We Love Him Because He First Loved Us

How is he so good at winning me over?  I mean, when he is away, I can think straight.  I can reason with myself and consider each angle of the situations that I am put in.  When I am with him, I can still imagine those reasons in the back of my mind, but it is as if they are all from a dream.  I do not actually comprehend them.  Something in me pushes them away and falls into his trap.  He is just so amazing, kind, funny, spectacular, super, sweet, caring, honorable, knowing, spiritual, educated, passionate, and much more.  I could go on forever.  The best part is how much he amazes me.  He know so much more than he initially shows people on the outside.  He is very spiritual and always shares his thought, dreams, and goals with me.  He knows exactly the right things to say to me that cause me to fall irresistibly, unconditionally in love with him.

I Hate When People Act Stupid

Why are they so persistent?  They do not trust me when I have done nothing wrong.  They make up all these new rules, just to accomidate their feelings towards what I do and who I associate with, but they are not justified in that.  I am not putting me or anyone else in danger.  I am not doing anything bad.  What is wrong with what I'm doing?  Tell me.  They cannot keep controlling me, only to satisfy their wants and to force me to do what they want.  I am my own person with my own mind.  I can take care of myself and I do not need them to "watch out" for me, if you can call what they are doing "watching out".  I wish they wouldn't be so extreme and that they would just trust me to make the right choices in my life.  I have to make my own mistakes and learn for myself.  If they always make decisions for me it will not get me anywhere and I will have a hard time when I leave home.  I leave home in 5 month, but sometimes I wish I was already gone.  It would be so great to be able to control for my self what I do and when I do it, without having to ask permission or being afraid of being restricted for no reason.

Letting Go

It feels good to let it all out.  Just telling someone helps ease the balloon swelling within me.  It still bothers me, but it always will.  I know I will never forget this, no matter how much I wish I could.  I wish I never knew...never asked.  Sometimes I think I bring these things upon myself.  No matter what the reason is, I am glad I told her.  Simply knowing that I am not the only one who is thinking about this helps.  I now have a person who I can confide in to safely release the pressure that has built up within me.   It feels good to have such a great, trustworthy friend.

I am no longer the only one who knows.

Honesty is like an icicle. If once it starts to melts...that is the end of it.

Sometimes I fear for what is to come.  I think that is what every person fears.  People do not fear the past, and they do not fear the present, it is the future that they fear.  People are afraid of things unknown to them.   That is why in a scary movie a person will jump when something surprising happens, because they did not know it was coming.  Once they have seen the movie, they are not so affected by the surprises, because they already know what is going to happen.  People who say they are afraid of the dark, are still only afraid of the future.  When they are walking in the dark, they do not fear the past, they know what is behind them because they just came from there.  They do not fear the present, they know what is where they are standing, they are not worried about that, they are worried about what lies ahead of them because they do not know what is ahead of them.  

It is as if they look into a muddy puddle and only see brown water, dirt, and floating leaves.  A person who is not afraid would look into the muddy puddle, and would not see yucky water. They would be able to see past that and notice their reflection staring back at them.   Rather than finding fault with each situation, only seeing the negative aspects of life, a person would think more about himself and cherish the pleasures found in life.

I  fear for others.  I see things and wonder why no one else does.  Sometimes people can be blinded by thought and disbelief.  They do not see what is becoming, because they do not want to.  It is not only that they do not want to believe it, but that they have a different view on it.  What is unfolding is something that they thought would never be possible, but everyone has a dark-side, a secret that no one else knows.  That is what blinds a person, what others do not tell them.  If people are not told the truth, or are surprised by another's actions, then how can they be sure that they really know them?  What if they think they know them, but in reality, they truly do not.  Will that change the future...their future...my future?  Is that bad?   I think the first step to showing others your true colors, is to be honest to them, but first a person must be honest with himself.

Life Is So Complicated...

What am I to do when I can not decide between what I want to do...and what I question?  It is not that I am questioning if it is wrong to do...I know it is not...but I just question if it is the right thing for me to do at the moment.  If something goes wrong it might change my decisions from here on out.  What if I am bitter and never trust again?  What if something goes horribly wrong and it changes my look on what is to come?  Will I ever view things the same way?  Will it change my whole plan for the future? I still do not know if I should go...but I know that I will.  That is just who I am.  I will try my hardest to make the best of the situation.  I mean, if I do not persevere, I will never know what could have been, or what could still be...and I will forever question my decision.  Sometimes I think that I should just has to take a chance.  It is alright if aspects of my life do not end up the way I had hoped, because in the end, the right thing will happen.  The right thing always happens, sometimes it is just hard me to recognize until  I am already consumed in it...but by then, I must realize that it is the most wonderful thing that could have ever happened and I would not have wanted it any other way.

 Yes.  I think I will go.

Very First

Ok, so this is my very first post so bear with me as I add more.  I am not sure what I will write about but I will try and make it interesting.  I like quotes, sayings and music, so I might start out with that.  I might post lyrics or jokes, I am not sure yet, but I promise that I will not write about something boring like what I ate for breakfast.  I will try to write well composed pieces, using my newly developed writing skills, not only for your benefit, but also to help me practice.  If I do not have anything worthwhile to say, I simply will not write until I do, however I think that thinking of what to write will grow easier as time goes on  Who knows?  I guess you will have to wait and see!